As busy members of the Sandwich Generation, caring for elderly parents and helping with grandchildren, we frequently have mile-long to-do lists and barely enough time for half the items on them. Peace and quiet time to think through what we need to do and what questions we need to be asking to help us with our caregiving duties is rare. So when I can find a good resource to help me in that area, I'm always happy to read it and then share it to help you!

Dale Carter has written a good resource book to help all of us in the Sandwich Generation. "Transitioning Your Aging Parent: A 5 Step Guide Through Crisis & Change" is written for those who are beginning or need to begin transitioning their elderly parents from living independently to having help from family and friends – whether they continue to live alone, move in with us, or move into an assisted living or critical care facility.  Having been caring for elderly parents for some time, though, I was pleased to discover it also had plenty of great tips, tools, and resources for those, like me, who have been in the trenches for awhile.

Dale holds an MBA from Indiana University. She currently works as an advocate for the elderly and their adult children who are caring for them – whether up close or from a distance – through her site, Transition Aging Parents. Dale helps caregivers of all ages through her radio show, e-courses, articles, and presentations. She has been a great resource for me on Twitter and Facebook and is a regular contributor to the Boomers and Seniors: News You Can Use blog carnival full of Boomer and Senior Citizen news that I also contribute to each month and which is periodically hosted right here at SandwichINK, such as the July edition featuring Dale's interview by Patricia Grace, geriatric care specialist, on her Aging With Grace eldercare show.

So many of the books written for senior home care givers seem to be a bit on the clinical and dry side. Not so with Dale's book. I found it very easy to read. It was like sitting on a comfy couch with a good friend, a cup of tea, and a chance to get some wise advice and tips from someone who's already gone through it.

When she started the process of caring for her elderly mom, she took her years of business experience and applied it to caregiving. She developed what she calls the ADAPT process for caregivers. This provides the framework to help you Assess and Discuss As a family, come up with a positive Plan that provides for your senior parents' wants and needs, and then enable your aging parent to make the Transition to this plan. She explains the entire process and provides plenty of ideas and resources to help you with it. 

This seven-chapter book is very easy to understand and I'm looking forward to checking out several new resources from it. For only $14.95 from Amazon, I think Transitioning Your Aging Parent would be a very useful addition to your caregiving library. If you'd like to find out more about it, just click here.

Kaye

Memorial Day, Father's Day and the Fourth of July are all behind us. There are no more holidays until Labor Day. But there's a whole long, hot, and fun summer stretching before each of us in the Sandwich Generation as we squish in summer fun activities for grandparents and their grandchildren along with caring for elderly parents. Not to mention unexpected guests on vacation.

Fun family memories are often made at BBQs and picnics throughout the summer. But with all the responsibilities we are juggling, it can be really hard to add hospitality to the mix. Ta da! SandwichINK to the rescue. Here's one of my tasty, fun, and downright simple dinner meals that has worked well for me in the past few years.

Purchase:

• Hot Dogs – at least 4 packs
• Hot Dog Buns – at least 4 bags
• 4 cans of Baked Beans
• Catsup
• Mustard
• Pickle Relish
• Potato chips – 2 bags
• Tortilla Chips – 2 bags
• Jar of Pace Picante Sauce
• Sodas and a cannister of Lemonade mix
• Two packages of your favorite cookies
• Package of paper plates
• Package of plastic cups
• Package of picnic silverware

You now have all the fixings for one or more simple and tasty family dinner meals that is ready with little or no notice. Just keep the hot dogs and buns in the freezer and the chips hidden away from your temptations  and you're well set for any unexpected fun and frivolity. You can barbecue the hot dogs, microwave them, or even throw them in a pan. And if the summer ends with no chance for company, you can add these into your regular menu plan over the next few months, knowing that – thanks to inflation – you probably made a bit of a profit on the deal. Then reprepare for next summer.

If you have some advance notice and want to get a little fancier, you can substitute or add to all the above:

• An already roasted chicken (we love the wholesale clubs like Sam's Club and Costco, as well as Kroger's)
• Potato salad (Sam's Club's red potato salad is scrumptious)
• Broccli and baby carrots
• Strawberries
• Angel Food Cake

Either way, I set everything out as a buffet and let everyone help themselves. It's easy set-up, easy clean-up, and quite tasty. And just about everyone enjoys both of these meals, from the most senior of our elderly relatives, to the youngest of our grandchildren. It's been a perfect "recipe" for success for the Sandwich Generation issues of my family, I can tell you!

One other thing. Don't do what we too often do and get so busy that you forget to take lots of photos with your easy to use digital camera!!!! I can't tell you the number of times we've moaned that none of us remembered to take pictures!

Now, it's your turn. What are your easy tips for juggling company with caring for elderly parents and grandkids?

To all of you in the Baby Boomers Generation dealing with the Sandwich Generation issues of caring for elderly parents and helping with the grandkids…

Have a blessed Memorial Day. And if you will be enjoying fun picnics and patriotic activities for grandparents and their grandchildren, watch out for your feet, ankles, arms, and 5th metatarsal! Don’t want a fracture or two now, do we?

CAREGIVING:

I’m Hungry, I’m Starving. An excellent article from Alzheimer’s Reading Room .

Important reminder from Dale Carter of Transition Aging Parents : June 12 is Digital TV Transition Day. If you have an aging parent, be sure to check all of their TV sets.

Encouragement: Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the lord.

Check out Rest Ministries on how you can really celebrate your senior citizen dad this year – on TV! It’s definitely one of the best Father’s Day gift ideas I’ve seen.

Here’s a sweet story of loving caregiving – From Pastor to Caregiver .

Then read an interesting article written by that caregiving husband as he talks about one aspect of his life as he and his wife deal with her Alzheimer’s Disease.

This looks like it it would be a good resource for caregivers – an intuitive group calendar to help coordinate caregiving help.

The economic Downturn Puts a Chokehold on Those Caring for Family Members by John Leland of the New York Times.

If you missed  the HBO series on Alzheimer’s Disease , the Eldercare Support Group has it.

GRANDPARENTS:

Here’s an excellent resource for your grandkids’ homeschooling program .

Biblical Holidays is another useful site to check out for homeschooling supplies .

The government has a variety of ways to help grandparents caring for grandkids . I have to wonder, though, how much will get canceled due to the economy.

Looking for something new to read to your grandkids this summer? My grandkids and I have been enjoying reading The Boxcar Children .

Encouragement – Casting all your care upon God; for He cares for you.

Do you have a new grandkid on the way? A great gift for their parents was just published – Consumer Reports Best Baby Products.

SANDWICH GENERATION:

Good information for caregivers about unnecessary medical tests AND Achilles tendon ruptures!

Welcome to a Taste of New England Food. Yummy resource for those caregivers who love to cook !

Secret Hiding Place is a great article by Lynn Mosher with an adorable picture. It definitely encouraged this Sandwich Generation caregiver’s heart and I hope it will yours as well.

Be sure that your business emails have all the necessary contact info to help readers reach you. Missing information can mean lost opportunities. Even if we are not “in business,” as caregivers, we often do send out “business” emails to doctors, therapists, etc . Contact information in those situations is just as vital.

Study Shows Vitamin D Helps Brain Speed Up Information Processing. Hmm, I need to add more Vitamin D to my Baby Boomer Generation brain. It definitely needs a bit of speeding up. Of course, Pepsi works wonders, too.

Encouragement – Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I was reading through my Twitter Micro-Blog and noticed a friend commenting on how many people use the word pray without really doing it . I think that holds true in the real world as well as the virtual world, don’t you? So often people will say, “I’ll pray for you,” then they never do. I know I used to be guilty of that on a regular basis. Not on purpose. I would just plum forget.

Then I heard a pastor speak on this very topic. He suggested that when someone asks you to pray, or when you are talking to someone and you tell them you will pray – DO IT RIGHT THEN . Wow! Such a simple concept and yet it had never occurred to me up to that point. In sharing this concept with others, I’ve discovered I’m not alone there.

I immediately decided that I would do that, to the best of my ability. Even when I was in my 30’s I didn’t claim to have the best memory in the world. As a member of the Baby Boomer generation, I am now in my 50s and my memory is not any better. In fact, with all the input I get from grandkids, aging parents, cell phones, text messages, internet info, and iPod, it’s probably a whole lot worse. But that’s OK.

Now when I am talking to someone and they tell me about an issue, I tell them I will pray and I do it right then ! Sometimes I do it in my head. Shhh, don’t tell, but sometimes I even send up a quick prayer while they are still talking. Sometimes, I ask if it’s ok if I pray for them right then and there. I’ve gotten a few shocked looks, but rarely get turned down. And I get a lot of thank yous!

As God brings them to my mind, I try to pray again several times . But by praying for them right away, I know I’ve prayed and I know God is awesome and is working in their lives as well as mine . So I rest content on His promises NOT my faulty memory. As a caregiver , that’s a wonderful thing. As you well know, we are subject to plenty of interruptions so we need that.

So there you have it. One important secret to praying for others is to just do it. Right then, right when you think of it, and again as God brings it to mind. It’s a joy to watch God work in and through us and our prayers, I can promise you that.

News of interest to you in the Sandwich Generation: Caregivers, Grandparents, Baby Boomer generation, and more. That’s what Thursday’s SandwichINK tends to focus on and this Thursday is no exception.

But today’s news is special. Rather than pulling a news story from the headlines, SandwichINK is making its own headlines. As you may recall, we had our first ever contest, featuring a WalkerWonder banner for aging parents and others who use walkers or rolling walkers. I want to thank everyone for participating! AND I want to thank Kathleen LeRoy and WalkerWonder for this high quality and special walker banner for dads! The contest is over and the winner has won!

And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Drum roll please!

The winner is:

Mary from EldercareABC

CONGRATULATIONS MARY!

I will be collecting contact information from Mary and mailing off her banner by this weekend. Once again, thank you to all who participated! We appreciate you ALL! 

Has it hit your household yet? The motorcycle bug, I mean? Yes, my friends, part of the joys of the Baby Boomer Generation is all those wonderful men of ours finally getting to have their ultimate dream, a gorgeous Harley Davidson motorcycle. My husband, who is safely tucked away in heaven, got his when he was in his mid-40s. He loved it! It gave him a wonderful de-stressor to hit the roads and let the wind blow the frustrations of the day out of his mind. Me? I loved him! Since our kids were grown, only one grandkid had so far appeared, and I had a flexible schedule (I wasn’t yet caregiving), I figured if he was on his motorcycle, that’s where God wanted me as well! He was very sweet and picked out a bike that I could be as comfortable on as he was. He even bought the extended back seat with arms since the backless seat that came with the bike killed my back!

We both had fun picking out our Harley Davidson helmets, our Harley Davidson leather jackets, and our Harley Davidson boots. We looked so cool! Well, truth be told, our kids looked much cooler in the jacket we picked out for them to share. Only one could ride at a time so they only needed one – and my comfy jacket was decidedly uncool to them.  But that’s OK. We had fun!

I enjoyed commingling my interests with his very consuming motorcycle focus. Since I was taking college classes at the time, I learned to do homework on our rides. Yup, that was me, reading a large history book propped up against his back, as we were cruising through the country. I went through two textbooks that semester AND got an A in the class. I was blessed that my sweet husband thought it was all quite adorable.

I love Harley Davidson T-Shirts. They are so comfy, well-made, and I love the different designs. We started collecting them from every city we traveled to. Boy, did we have a terrific T-shirt collection!

One great thing about our Harley Davidson motorcycle is that it made gift-giving occasions so easy. Take Father’s Day, for example, since it’s right around the corner. I would head to one of my favorite Harley Davidson stores and spend an hour or so and come home with the greatest gifts, often on sale. They always had a sales table with a constant variety of intriguing surprises to entice me with their terrific prices!

Of course, since we collected them, I always checked for any new Harley Davidson T-Shirt designs. Those are always great gifts for anyone. I could even justify getting myself a matching one as part of the gift. Too cool! There were plenty of other fun things there as well. Even if they weren’t on sale, I was always impressed with the great quality of the Harley products. And if there was absolutely nothing that caught my attention, I knew it was time to head for the gift cards. He could ALWAYS find something he loved with one of those. By the way, if I’ve whet your appetite for some motorcycle madness shopping, Check out the Closeouts at Motorcycle Superstore!
It’s a great way for caregivers to shop online when they don’t have much time. That way, you can save your precious free time for the actual joy of riding!

We come from a long line of motorcycle lovers. His parents each had their own bike and went cross-country on them several times. My little ones loved it when their motorcycle grandma and grandpa would ride up on their bikes, each with a cute little poodle in its own special home on the back of a bike. With a brother who is an expert at repairing them, and two sons who each love their own, I suspect that line will continue on, ad infinitum. Hmmm, maybe it’s time to buy another Harley Davidson T-Shirt? Do you suppose they finally got one in that says, “I’m a bike-riding member of the Baby Boomer Generation and proud of it!” Or how about, “Caregiving’s my name, and riding’s my game!” 

As families continue to scatter across the US and further, more women and men in the Baby Boomer Generation and older are flying all over, often alone. Not only that, for many of them it’s the first time they’ve flown alone. It may even be the first time they’ve ever flown at all.

I had a few trips under my belt before I started having to travel so much, thanks to my parents. My dad and mom gave me a great gift when I was 30. I had never flown before. Southwest and America West had both just started and were offering fantastic deals. For about $7 per ticket, my dad took my mom, my three kids, and myself from Southern California to the Phoenix Zoo. We flew there and back the same day. Back then, smoking was allowed and I was in misery in the back smoking row, but it was still thrilling. They even had seats that faced backwards, which made me rather queasy. I’m so glad they all face forwards now!

I was able to fly with my whole family a couple of times after that. The first time I had to fly alone (well, not alone, but as the only adult with three kids under 9!), it was a tough day, made harder by several prolonged delays due to mechanical difficulties. I was nervous and on edge, but I did great, because of the past experience. Being in my 30s helped a lot too.

A dear friend of mine needed to go on her very first plane trip ever. As a member of the Baby Boomer Generation, and two years away from being an official Senior Citizen, she was very nervous about the whole process. I could certainly understand. If my first trip had been in my 50s instead of my 30s, with my eyesight not as great and my arthritis slowing me down just a bit, it would have been a much more difficult trip.

She was able to combine plans with another friend who had traveled alone several times. They traveled together, which made it much easier for her first time. Her next couple of trips were by herself but her husband could drop her off, her son could pick her up and she had no layovers. She was scared at first but thrilled at her accomplishment when the trip was completed. Then the big day came when, due to a family crisis, she had to make reservations quickly, fly by herself with two plane changes, and return home in time for a vital appointment. She did GREAT! Can you imagine how that trip might have gone if she hadn’t had the earlier ones? Just like anything in life, practice makes perfect, or at least closer to perfect than when you started.

If you, or a special senior in your life, have never taken a plane trip anywhere, or if you have flown but never by yourself, I would encourage you to watch the sales, and take a plane trip or two somewhere close, just for fun. It would make a nice little getaway, which always helps ease caregiver stress , and it would give you a chance to practice doing something you’ve never done before.

You may wind up with just some great memories and never need to use the experience you’ve gathered. Then again, senior health care or grandkids’ needs may spring an emergency on you out of the blue. As you sit in that plane, praying hard for the beloved you are headed to visit, you will be so grateful for the experience that is helping to make this trip just a little bit easier.

The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that,

A North Carolina woman reportedly dumped an elderly relative at a shelter in Bradenton on the way to Walt Disney World. Beverly Edwards is said to have dropped her aunt, Ruth Smith, at a Salvation Army homeless shelter Sunday evening — while indicating that she would not be returning to pick up the 96-year-old. Edwards, who told staff at the shelter that she could no longer care for the elderly woman…

Shocking and sad news that has left many asking, “Why?” At first glance it is so easy for us to pass judgment on this family. “How dare they do this to that sweet old lady?” However, it is important for us to stop and think it through.

For one thing, we need to remember that just because something is in the newspaper it isn’t necessarily totally true or accurate. We can probably all think of one or two important news stories in the past year or so where the facts proved that the reporters embellished or just plain made up all or part of the story.

I saw that in action 20 years ago when the church I was attending bought a quaint old building for their church home. Because of the uniqueness of the building, more newspaper stories were written about our church move than the norm. It was fascinating reading those articles as an “insider.” Names, dates, and activities – you name it, there were plenty of things that needed correcting!

I learned from that to take everything I read with a grain of salt and to find plenty of corroborating information before believing a lot of that. One of my goals for SandwichINK is to verify information as much as possible before sharing it, even when I’m just passing on links And if you ever find something here that needs correcting, do let me know. I appreciate the “extra eyes.”

Another side of this multi-faceted story is the sweet old lady. I am blessed with several senior citizens in my life and they are all wonderful and truly sweet. I have known some elderly people, though, who are anything but sweet. Not only that, dementia or heavy doses of necessary medications can turn a sweet adult into someone no one would want to be around. I saw that happen to a dear friend of mine.  For two weeks I thought I would never have my friend back again. Then the doctor finally found a medication that she could tolerate and it was like night and day. She was once again sweet and caring, and I can’t tell you how happy I was!

For many families dealing with a patient who is in the fog of dementia, they may never see their beloved get better. It only gets worse. Dealing with an elderly parent with dementia year after year is so very difficult, physically and emotionally. My parents cared for an elderly aunt for several years. I have always had the greatest admiration for them and the wonderful attitude they had in dealing with her. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t perfect. They got discouraged, frustrated, and depressed. But they kept on going, and set an example for me that I continue to strive to copy to this day. As a teenager, I’m afraid I wasn’t that much help to them then. I’m grateful I got a second chance with them and am happy to report I’m doing much better, though I’m not perfect either. Not by a long shot! Come to think of it, no one is, except our precious Lord Jesus! 

We don’t know much about this family. We don’t know if they were struggling with their circumstances, if they were feeling alone and depressed, if the aunt was in more need than they could provide, or if they really were as heartless as the newspaper reports make them appear.

What we do know and what I would encourage you to think about today, is that caregivers need to be proactive about taking steps to avoid burnout. For the sake of the patient AND for the sake of the caregiver.

It’s important for each of us to make sure we build a network of people who can help us in our elder care-giving journey. Relatives, friends, and people from our church can all do little things that can help make our burden lighter if we let them. I was so blessed when my dad was on hospice. My daughters and sons-in-law all helped wonderfully. They ran errands, helped with giving medications, and even took turns spending the night when we needed extra assistance.

Not everyone has extended family close by and it is sometimes hard to build and maintain relationships when your caregiving duties are keeping you extremely busy. This is especially true for the Sandwich Generation! Often we are dealing with the care of our elderly parents AND with kids or grandkids AND with work AND with spouses… It can really be overwhelming.

I always encourage people to start with their church home. Many of the larger churches have a full-on senior citizen ministry. Some offer help for repairs around the house as a ministry to the elderly. If money is extra tight due to all the added medical bills, they might even be able to help out with canned goods or a small grant.

Senior citizen nonprofit groups can be found in many cities. They, too, can be a great resource to help families. In this economy, it is getting harder. There may be more forms and longer waits. It can be worth it though. It’s certainly worth checking into.

Meals on Wheels can be a wonderful help to both the elderly parent and the Senior caregiver. They provide a full and healthy meal once a day and the cost is very low. If money is an issue, there may even be an option for a grant. Many aging parents are eating less and find that one meal fills them up twice a day. Not only that, if your aging parent lives alone, it gives you the comfort of knowing someone else is checking on them once a day.

The internet certainly is a big help in providing friends for caregivers who can’t get out very much. There are many excellent sites who specialize in helping caregivers with counseling, resources, and links to other great info. You can find many great resources here at SandwichINK, starting with yesterday’s Boomers & Seniors Blog Carnival.

Make sure you are taking good care of yourself physically and emotionally! Walking daily can be a great way to exercise, as well as lower your cholesterol, blood pressure, and stress levels. Prayer and meditation has been proven to be very helpful at keeping stress at bay. God is good and His Word is overflowing with His love, comfort and promises. Chewing on a verse or two daily can really help drive away anger, fear, and depression.

Caregiving is not the easiest job in the world. It can, however, be extremely rewarding. Just be sure that you are getting plenty of help, availing yourself of the resources that are out there, and taking good care of yourself, so that you can keep taking good care of your beloved elderly parents. And when you’re praying and meditating on God’s Word, pray for the family in the newspaper and for caregivers everywhere. We can always use extra prayer! 

Arthritis in the hand or wrist? Isn’t it a pain! Literally. Not to mention a nuisance. Especially when I’m trying to open a bottle or work on paperwork to help my senior mom. It’s particularly frustrating when I’m writing letters or notes as my hand gets so tired so quickly.

After much experimenting, I’ve discovered one set of pens that works the best for me. The handle is just the right size, and the gel ink glides across the paper easier than most pens. The Pilot G2 is perfect for my needs and my hands. Not only that, I’ve discovered many others along life’s journey who also use these pens for the same reasons. Every time I find someone using a G2, we compare notes and agree on how much easier it is to write with them, how much less our hands hurt, and how much we love them.

One caveat about them. Because they are gel pens, they do take a few seconds to dry. On regular paper, this usually isn’t a problem. If you are writing on slick paper, you need to let them dry longer. I usually grab my daughter’s favorite Zebra pen.

Since it uses regular ink, there is no drying problem. It has a gripper around it, so even though it is skinnier than I like, it is the easiest pen in that size for me to use. It’ll never replace my favorite G2 but it is my second favorite pen to keep around the house. Both of these pens are retractable, so there are no caps for grandkids (or me) to lose. Aging parents appreciate that as well!

It’s amazing how much I love these pens! But not so amazing when they make writing so much easier. I love anything that helps make my caregiving duties much easier and these definitely do that.