HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! If you didn’t already see it, be sure to take a peek at the Valentine card I made for you at http://www.sandwichink.com/a-valentine-for-your-long-distance-elders . Click on the big checkerboard

I spent this day having fun with grandkids in the a.m., moving and helping my mom with her aching back in between, and now with grandkid AND mom for the end of the day. The perfect kind of Valentine Sandwich.

As I tripped over boxes, and stressed over too much to do and not enough time to do it, God slowed me down and reminded me that even if I don’t accomplish everything I want to, or even need to, I’m accomplishing a lot by spending time:

• Playing tennis with a grandchild or nine – teaching them the joy of the game along with important life lessons such as good sportsmanship and keeping your eyes on the ball.
• Writing little ones across the miles to share my love with them and thank them for the adorable ecard they sent me to thank me for the box that made it in time for Valentine’s Day – teaching them the joy of correspondence and politeness.
• Ministering to all ages with different health needs – teaching them to look out for one another’s interests as more important than our own.
• Taking my mom out to a new Chinese restaurant I discovered when I got lost – showing her that she is very important and much beloved to me.
• Babysitting for little ones so big one can get a much needed night of R&R – teaching all of us the joys of sharing and loving.

There are even more things I’ve done today that have nothing to do with my To Do list, yet everything to do with the mission God has given me at this stage of my life. So if your To Do list is as unchecked off as mine, but your caregiving skills are getting a major workout, know that you have lots of company, lots of empathy, and will reap what you are sowing in a blessed way.

Here is a question and a checklist that is very important for all, but especially important if you are assisting an elderly parent in a move and will be leaving them alone when you are finished.

Is everything available, turned on, and working? We arranged for all utilities to be turned on Wednesday and we moved in on Friday. Between Wednesday and Friday we made several trips back and forth with boxes, did a lot of unpacking, and made sure the electricity, water, and TV were all working fine. Friday night came. Exhausted, we prepared our beds, turned on the the hot water to make some relaxing herbal tea and NOTHING! Oh, the water ran fine. Cold! But fine. Somehow we both missed the fact that there was no hot water. Friday night after the office and utility company had both closed is not a fun time to discover this!

It was definitely a frustrating moment but I’m used to flexing. I called and left a message for the apartment staff, warned mom there would be no shower in the morning and prayed a lot that we could get it turned on Saturday. However, if the same thing happened to an older senior, already exhausted from moving and feeling a bit lonely, it would be a much more difficult situation to handle. Do be sure to check every single thing before leaving, including the fuse box. Because that’s what turned out to be the culprit. Once I flipped the switch for the hot water heater, the problem was solved. Shortly thereafter we had plenty of hot water. Having never had an all-electric home before, this was a complete surprise to me!

Here are some of the vital things to check on:

1. Hot water
2. Lights in every room (We had to buy lamps for the bedrooms as there were no overhead lights.)
3. Electricity working in every room
4. Gas working in every room
5. Telephone
6. TV
7. Internet
8. Computer
9. Deadbolts on every door (We noticed the patio door did not have a deadbolt. I made a call to the apartment managers and they wonderfully had one installed a day or so later.)
10. Windows all in working order and easy to open and shut
11. Smoke Alarms (At the very least, test the batteries. It might even be worth it to install new batteries so you know how long they should last.)
12. Dishwasher
13. Washer / Dryer (be sure to check on whether you need to purchase a fabric softener dispenser if they need one.)
14. Garbage disposal
15. All wires, cords, connectors, etc. present and hooked up
16. Any repairs needed

Now it’s your turn. What would you add to this list?

(I apologize for no new article yesterday due to technical glitches from the move. That’s what led to number 15 on the above list )

The joys and woes of moving! For various and sundry reasons, my mom and I are moving into an apartment from a house. Talk about downsizing! Of course, we’re not the only ones! There are plenty of us Sandwich Generation families with elderly parents moving into retirement communities, senior apartments, or care facilities. Not to mention empty-nesters whose last child has headed off to an apartment of their own. This is a common life-change occurrence for Baby Boomers. It’s even more prevalent now, with the economic woes hitting so many people. House loans are causing sleepless nights. Layoffs are hitting every neighborhood. We definitely have plenty of company in this whole downsizing process, so I thought it’d be a good idea to share with you the questions I SHOULD have asked but didn’t know to. Now you’ll know the questions and the answers.

Question 1 – Where can I hook my connections up at? If you are moving into any kind of a rental, be it apartment, senior complex, or even assisted living, make sure you ask about your favorite connections! We are moving into a lovely, relatively modern, apartment complex. When the cable/internet/telephone company serviceman came to help with the phone, I mentioned I would be having him back in a couple of days to install internet/tv connections in at least one more bedroom. No problem, right? WRONG! It turns out that this apartment complex, like most I’m sure, doesn’t allow any wiring on the outside of the building. Unless I want to try to talk the two apartments above me into letting them cut holes and work in each of their apartments, I am fresh out of luck. Of course, I can have wireless internet anywhere, but I really like having a wired connection in my office. Looks like my main office will now have to be the living room. It’s not the end of the world, but if I’d thought to ask about it, it might have led us to choose a different apartment. It’s too late for me, but hopefully it will help some of you.

Question 2 – How will technology changes impact my special seniors? If it’s an elderly parent who is moving, make sure you think through the consequences if you make a change in the technology they use. I really wanted to switch providers as one company offers quite a bit more at a lower  price. I did plenty of phone calling and websurfing research and was all set to switch when this thought occurred to me and I’m so glad it did! Further research on that particular subject helped me realize my mom would have to learn a whole new setup for using her TV and VCR. Knowing that this would be extremely frustrating for her helped me to make the right choice to stick with the current provider.

Question 3 – If I am moving locally, keeping the same company for cable and internet, and even overlapping the services for a week, will it be a snap? Not necessarily. If you have a DVR or TIVO and you move it to a new house, it may very well stop working. You would probably be wise to call the cable company as soon as you do it and ask them to make sure it is set to work at the new address. I’m not sure if that is true with a simple box, but I’m betting it is true with the digital box. This is useful to know if you are helping your parent move in, as they might not understand how to deal with the problem. It’s also important to realize fixing one problem can inadvertently trigger another problem. After fixing the cable situation at the new apartment, I went home to the old house and discovered that my internet connection had gone away into LaLa land. Another half hour spent on the phone, crawling on my stomach to read the VERY TINY letters on the modems, eventually led to a restored internet connection. None of these problems were major and they were all fairly simple fixes – for me. For an elderly parent who is not tech-savvy, they could have made an already difficult move much worse. If that’s your situation, I would suggest that you plan ahead to be there so you can personally help them through it or have someone else available to assist them.

Well, that’s it for tonight. Tomorrow is more moving, with more questions to answer for you before you have to ask them. And if you have any questions to add, please send them my way via the comments or an email to Kaye@SandwichINK.com .

In part 1 of this series on moving tips, http://www.sandwichink.com/the-sandwich-generation-moves-part-1 , we discussed planning, utilities and packing. Today’s ideas cover the actual moving process.

Scheduling the moving van. First check with your real estate agent or your apartment manager to see if they have a van available for free or reduced fees. If not, I’ve found that U-haul, www.uhaul.com , and Budget, www.budgettruck.com/Home.aspx?partnerid=428&mpch=sem , are both excellent choices for do-it-yourself moves, whether local or long distance. If you are moving long distance and want to do it yourself, but don’t want to drive a big truck, there are some excellent companies out there that can bring a container to your house, leave it for you to fill, then return and move it to your destination. I used ABF and was quite pleased with it – www.abfs.com/default.asp?bhcp=1 . I learned the hard way to make my reservations for any of these options as early as possible. While you can often get one at the last minute, I have had to reschedule two moves because they turned out to be popular weekends for movers and I couldn’t get a truck.

Moving Assistance: While you can certainly hire movers to help you, for local moves I prefer to go with less expensive help, even though they are also less experienced. Friends are often available and willing to assist with packing and/or loading and unloading. Our Bible study group had a great time one night packing up a friend’s house when he had to move sooner than expected and his wife was out of town caring for her mother.

Another great resource is your church or child’s school. We asked the principal at my daughter’s school to recommend two responsible high school seniors to assist us. They came and worked hard all day, and we paid them a great rate for teens, along with lots of pizza, which was a lot cheaper than hiring professionals. Another time we were able to hire young adults who worked at the same location we did.

If any of you are in the military, you might ask friends there if they know of any young men or women who would like to earn some extra money helping you move. You get the help you need, and you get to help one of our brave young soldiers, a definite win-win!

Elderly Parents: Whether your parents are moving into a new home, an assisted living facility, or into your house, it will probably be a difficult day for them. When my parents moved in with me, my strong sons-in-law and daughters did most of the heavy lifting, while I directed. We got their room settled first as quickly as possible. That gave them a quiet place to work while we all finished moving other items in and out of the bathroom, kitchen, and garage. They were an important part of the process, but they also had a quiet place to retreat to when they became exhausted.

Babysitting: If there are young children or grandchildren involved in this move, I highly recommend involving them in the move for a short while, then hiring a babysitter to watch them at another location so they are safe and happy, and you are able to focus on the moving process. Some children like the excitement of everything and want to see it all, but others find it very disconcerting. This gives you a good option for each of them.

Pets: It can be a wise idea to find a petsitter as well. Many animals can sense when things are in an upheaval and find it very distressing. It’s important for families that their cat or dog make a positive move, as well.

Pre-Moving Day: The day or two before a move or the first thing in the morning, I like to go to the new place and give it a good wipe down and, if necessary, a full cleaning. Even if the previous occupants did clean, it’s amazing what you might find. Also, if you are going to have the carpets cleaned or the house sprayed for insects, you might want to take two days for this process, to ensure all is dry by the time you start walking in and out with moving boxes.

This is a good time to stock the new place with light bulbs, toilet paper, paper towels, glasses, plates, water bottles, snacks, toys/books if any children will be there, and pet supplies if there will be pets moving with you. Make sure you are also well stocked on sodas and bottled waters at both houses for your family and the people helping you move. An ice chest full of ice is a big help if the refrigerator will be moving.

Moving Day: Load the vehicle and take the items to the new house. It’ll save you time and headaches in the long run if you ask those helping you to place boxes in the rooms that are marked on the boxes, with the OPEN FIRST or starred boxes in a separate pile.

Lunch time: You’ll get more done and keep your helpers happy if you keep the soft drinks and water flowing. Accompany that by treating your helpers to a yummy and filling lunch. I personally think pizza is the easiest, especially if you have it delivered. That frees you up to get more work done. Order plenty. People will eat a lot initially. They may also snack on it throughout the day. Do watch to be sure it gets put away before bacteria can attack it and cause food poisoning.

Finishing at the old home: Once the boxes are out, it’s time to clean the house/apartment you are vacating. If you have the time, it’s nice to be able to do this a day or so after the move when you’re not so tired. If you have to do it the same day, it might be a wise idea to ask for help – either volunteers (friends or relatives), or paid.

Finishing at the new home: Realistically for most of us, that will take a few days. But at least the boxes are in the house, the lights are on, and you can make your way to the refrigerator. I like to make the beds early in the day. Then when we are totally exhausted, they’re all ready for us to fall into.

Today found me standing in line at the post office, on their self-proclaimed busiest day of the year. While waiting for 45 minutes, I had time to listen to a couple of the conversations around me, all the while multi-tasking by deleting text messages I no longer needed in my smart phone.

One conversation I heard dealt with a father who sounds like he is also a member of the Sandwich Generation. The speaker commented, “What with moving children in and out of college and home, and helping his mom move, he’s always moving someone.” I could certainly relate. In the past seven years, between my children, my friends, my parents and myself, I’ve helped with moving projects more than 15 times. That’s a lot of moving! Whether you move a lot, move a little, or help an elderly parent or child move, here’s a good checklist with tips we learned along the way that can be helpful. It’s too late to share them with the people in the post office, so here they are for you instead.

New Beginnings: Find the new house or apartment and set the moving date.

Utility Companies: Call the current utility companies to cancel service. (Once you’ve gotten settled, it’s a wise idea to call back and confirm that all the cancellations went through smoothly so you don’t wind up paying a double bill.

Call the new utility companies to start service. If you’re not sure who they are, ask your real estate agent or apartment manger. They should have a list. If that fails, go to the website for the city you live in. Utilities may include some or all of the following: Gas, Electric, Water/Sewer/Garbage (This may entail one or two companies), Cable, Internet, Phone (these may be 1, 2 or 3 companies).

Start packing. Find free boxes from your local grocery or liquor stores, Freecycle, http://www.freecycle.org/ or Craig’s list www.craigslist.com . If using Craig’s list, select state, city, then enter moving boxes or packing boxes into the search box on the left with the “for sale” option showing. The last page shows available items and it also has a drop down box “all for sale/wanted” which you can then change to “free stuff.” For my area, that took a list of 66 items available down to an easier-to-read seven items available.

Label as you pack: I like to use Sharpie Markers and list the room the box belongs in, along with highlights of what are in the box. Another good idea my daughter liked was to use color-coordinated stickers. All the blue stickers were for the living room, the green stickers went into the kitchen, and so on. Whichever plan you use, be sure to clearly mark what boxes need to be opened first in each room. That way you shouldn’t wind up late at night with only boxes of books opened, unable to find sheets, blankets, and pillows. I like to use big stars and/or OPEN FIRST in big letters on those boxes.

Be sure to carefully pack all financial papers, checks, etc. together and mark them in such a way that you know what they are, but strangers wouldn’t. With identity theft such a danger, this is vital.

Weed and Clean: As you pack, take the time now to weed out items you no longer need. It’s a lot easier to dispose of them before you move, rather than after! Be sure to shred any papers with important personal information. If there isn’t time for a yard sale, you might try Craig’s List for items you want to sell. I’ve never used it but others in our family have and really liked it. For giveaways, many thrift stores will pick up. My personal favorite is Salvation Army. Other options include neighbors, your church, Freecycle, and you can even use Craig’s List for giveaways.

See www.sandwichink.com/the-sandwich-generation-moves-part-2

for Part 2 of this article.