It’s official, per President Obama. November is National Family Caregivers Month.  Did you know that we have plenty of company, according to Michelle Seitzer of Seniors for Living? In her article, November is National Family Caregivers Month, she wrote, “Says the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, more than 50 million people currently provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year.” Of course, you know those of us caring for aging parents probably account for a high percentage of that figure.

November is also Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month. It certainly makes sense to couple the two together. Alzheimer’s disease isn’t the only disease that requires senior home care, but it can be one of the most difficult to deal with. With people living longer and more people getting Alzheimer’s Disease, the number of families impacted by it is definitely growing.

It’s important for us, as senior home care givers, to realize that we do have a lot of company, and we also have a lot of support out there to help us. From Uncle Sam, to Medicare, to our doctors, to our family and friends, to useful blogs and websites like SandwichINK and Seniors For Living, there is help and encouragement available. We need to make sure we utilize that support for ourselves in order to fully support our aging parents. As it says in Ecclesiastes, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up!”

If your family is not living close or is unable to help, some good local resources would be:

• Your church – Many offer senior ministries and these can be a wonderful help. My church offers a food closet, provides a group of volunteers who can do free repairs for seniors, and hosts special seminars to help educate caregivers on a variety of topics.
• City or State Department of Aging – The National Council on Aging has a list of agencies available for each state.
• Meals on Wheels – I can’t recommend this wonderful organization enough. It helps our senior adults, whether they can afford to pay for the service or not, and takes a bit of the burden off of us, the senior home care givers. This is such a blessing to both local caregivers and long distance caregivers.

While I’m on the subject of Meals on Wheels, may I put in a bit of a plug for them and Lindsay Olives? In addition to carrying my very favorite black olives , Did you notice the lovely Christmas wreath at the top of the page?  Lindsay Olives is selling olive leaf wreaths and the proceeds are being donated to Meals on Wheels. These Christmas wreaths make a lovely and fragrant holiday decoration. Not only that, you can use them to encourage the favorite seniors in your family, while also helping to make the holidays a bit brighter for needy seniors through the services of Meals on Wheels. They are available directly from the Lindsay Olives website or by calling (800) 765-2029.   There’s also a fun giveaway for two Christmas wreaths at The Dirty Shirt!

As one who loves wreaths of all kinds, Christmas wreaths, Fall wreaths, you name it, this is a lovely and creative way to help a worthy cause and decorate your house beautifully for Christmas.  You could even use them with your grandkids as the Advent Wreath, or have fun helping them add some handmade decorations to it! Wouldn’t this table setting look even prettier with four red candles around the outside?

This is a fun and thoughtful way to help a great organization and remember National Family Caregivers’ month and Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness month, as well as being a fragrant way to welcome in the holidays.

The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that,

A North Carolina woman reportedly dumped an elderly relative at a shelter in Bradenton on the way to Walt Disney World. Beverly Edwards is said to have dropped her aunt, Ruth Smith, at a Salvation Army homeless shelter Sunday evening — while indicating that she would not be returning to pick up the 96-year-old. Edwards, who told staff at the shelter that she could no longer care for the elderly woman…

Shocking and sad news that has left many asking, “Why?” At first glance it is so easy for us to pass judgment on this family. “How dare they do this to that sweet old lady?” However, it is important for us to stop and think it through.

For one thing, we need to remember that just because something is in the newspaper it isn’t necessarily totally true or accurate. We can probably all think of one or two important news stories in the past year or so where the facts proved that the reporters embellished or just plain made up all or part of the story.

I saw that in action 20 years ago when the church I was attending bought a quaint old building for their church home. Because of the uniqueness of the building, more newspaper stories were written about our church move than the norm. It was fascinating reading those articles as an “insider.” Names, dates, and activities – you name it, there were plenty of things that needed correcting!

I learned from that to take everything I read with a grain of salt and to find plenty of corroborating information before believing a lot of that. One of my goals for SandwichINK is to verify information as much as possible before sharing it, even when I’m just passing on links And if you ever find something here that needs correcting, do let me know. I appreciate the “extra eyes.”

Another side of this multi-faceted story is the sweet old lady. I am blessed with several senior citizens in my life and they are all wonderful and truly sweet. I have known some elderly people, though, who are anything but sweet. Not only that, dementia or heavy doses of necessary medications can turn a sweet adult into someone no one would want to be around. I saw that happen to a dear friend of mine.  For two weeks I thought I would never have my friend back again. Then the doctor finally found a medication that she could tolerate and it was like night and day. She was once again sweet and caring, and I can’t tell you how happy I was!

For many families dealing with a patient who is in the fog of dementia, they may never see their beloved get better. It only gets worse. Dealing with an elderly parent with dementia year after year is so very difficult, physically and emotionally. My parents cared for an elderly aunt for several years. I have always had the greatest admiration for them and the wonderful attitude they had in dealing with her. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t perfect. They got discouraged, frustrated, and depressed. But they kept on going, and set an example for me that I continue to strive to copy to this day. As a teenager, I’m afraid I wasn’t that much help to them then. I’m grateful I got a second chance with them and am happy to report I’m doing much better, though I’m not perfect either. Not by a long shot! Come to think of it, no one is, except our precious Lord Jesus! 

We don’t know much about this family. We don’t know if they were struggling with their circumstances, if they were feeling alone and depressed, if the aunt was in more need than they could provide, or if they really were as heartless as the newspaper reports make them appear.

What we do know and what I would encourage you to think about today, is that caregivers need to be proactive about taking steps to avoid burnout. For the sake of the patient AND for the sake of the caregiver.

It’s important for each of us to make sure we build a network of people who can help us in our elder care-giving journey. Relatives, friends, and people from our church can all do little things that can help make our burden lighter if we let them. I was so blessed when my dad was on hospice. My daughters and sons-in-law all helped wonderfully. They ran errands, helped with giving medications, and even took turns spending the night when we needed extra assistance.

Not everyone has extended family close by and it is sometimes hard to build and maintain relationships when your caregiving duties are keeping you extremely busy. This is especially true for the Sandwich Generation! Often we are dealing with the care of our elderly parents AND with kids or grandkids AND with work AND with spouses… It can really be overwhelming.

I always encourage people to start with their church home. Many of the larger churches have a full-on senior citizen ministry. Some offer help for repairs around the house as a ministry to the elderly. If money is extra tight due to all the added medical bills, they might even be able to help out with canned goods or a small grant.

Senior citizen nonprofit groups can be found in many cities. They, too, can be a great resource to help families. In this economy, it is getting harder. There may be more forms and longer waits. It can be worth it though. It’s certainly worth checking into.

Meals on Wheels can be a wonderful help to both the elderly parent and the Senior caregiver. They provide a full and healthy meal once a day and the cost is very low. If money is an issue, there may even be an option for a grant. Many aging parents are eating less and find that one meal fills them up twice a day. Not only that, if your aging parent lives alone, it gives you the comfort of knowing someone else is checking on them once a day.

The internet certainly is a big help in providing friends for caregivers who can’t get out very much. There are many excellent sites who specialize in helping caregivers with counseling, resources, and links to other great info. You can find many great resources here at SandwichINK, starting with yesterday’s Boomers & Seniors Blog Carnival.

Make sure you are taking good care of yourself physically and emotionally! Walking daily can be a great way to exercise, as well as lower your cholesterol, blood pressure, and stress levels. Prayer and meditation has been proven to be very helpful at keeping stress at bay. God is good and His Word is overflowing with His love, comfort and promises. Chewing on a verse or two daily can really help drive away anger, fear, and depression.

Caregiving is not the easiest job in the world. It can, however, be extremely rewarding. Just be sure that you are getting plenty of help, availing yourself of the resources that are out there, and taking good care of yourself, so that you can keep taking good care of your beloved elderly parents. And when you’re praying and meditating on God’s Word, pray for the family in the newspaper and for caregivers everywhere. We can always use extra prayer! 

“Home for the Holidays.” It’s a lovely phrase that brings up so many special memories, emotions, and feelings. But for many in the Sandwich Generation caring for their elderly parents and other relatives this year, their phrase will be “Home and Ill for the Holidays.” Two years ago, a dear friend of mine called two days before she was supposed to head to her daughter’s for the holidays. She had developed a severe upper respiratory illness, collapsed, and was calling from the hospital where she stayed for several days before being released two days before Christmas. Several little friends of our family are dealing with different health problems, from Leukemia to gastrointestinal diseases, and face back and forth trips to the hospital. When they are home, they are often not feeling well. Even a simple illness such as a bad cold or flu can keep many home, miserable, and lonely during the holiday season. It’s hard on the person who is ill, it’s hard on their immediate caregivers and it’s hard for those of us who live long distances from them and still want to help.

Prayer is always our first priority, but after that comes helping with some of the vital necessities and comforts. Here are three ideas I’ve used when it’s happened to our friends and family:

• Amazon is wonderful, particularly if you are a member of their Amazon Prime Discount membership program. For $79 per year, you can order any of their items (not their third-party items though) and have them arrive in two business days anywhere in the U.S. at no charge. For $3.99, you can upgrade to next day mail, and I believe that still includes Saturday deliveries. I have used this to send diapers and canned soup to a sick daughter whose husband was out of town, cookies and a book to my mom when she was ill while I was traveling, and non-perishable groceries to my mom-in-law when she was ill! The free or cheap shipping is great but it’s the fast delivery that makes it a complete necessity for me as a long-distance, as well as up-close-and-personal caregiver! You can find more information and sign up at their Amazon Prime Discount Membership page.
• Grocery Stores That Deliver – I have used both Albertsons.com and Safeway.com to deliver groceries to relatives who were ill. I even made great use of Safeway for myself when I broke my ankle. They were wonderful! They don’t deliver to all locations, but if they offer it in the area where one of your loved ones lives, it will open up the door for you to send just about anything you can find in the grocery store. I would suggest going to their sites and signing up to receive coupons, special offers, etc. If you never use them, it won’t hurt. If an emergency comes up, it could provide free delivery on short notice. When you log in, you can type in the zip code for the area you are interested in to see if they offer delivery. Even if they don’t now, it’s still worthwhile to bookmark their site, as they could open up delivery services down the road.
• Meals on Wheels – For elderly friends and relatives who are not doing well, Meals on Wheels can be a blessing from God as well as from you. At their national website, you can search for the office nearest your loved one (I would suggest just putting in the state). You can also make donations to this wonderful cause. When a dear friend of mine was ill for several months, I contacted the local Meals on Wheels and arranged for them to make deliveries. If you cannot afford to help financially, I believe they will do it for free, but for those of you who can afford to help, the per meal amount is very reasonable. Once this is set up, you will have the comforting knowledge that your elderly parent or relative is getting a warm meal each day. Not only that, it’s nice to know someone will be talking to them each day. One caveat to this – if your friend or relative is on a special diet, be sure to ask if the local Meals on Wheels can provide meals that work for that diet. Some do, but not all. We had to stop my friends’ meals after a few months as the doctor put her on a salt-restricted diet and her organization could not provide salt-free meals. Fortunately she was on the mend, so it worked out fine.

Now it’s your turn. What ideas have worked for your Sandwich Generation family? For those of you who live outside the United States, what options are available to you?  We’d love to hear from you! Also…